Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Resident Evil: Letdown

Have you ever totally fallen head over heels for something and, even knowing the magic can never be captured again, you hope and pray and obsess over the sequel? You see the advance shots and trailers and the doubts start to creep in... But then you console yourself with youtube videos of your first love and convince yourself that even if it's not as good it's still going to be pretty darn great. But then the gamefly envelope appears and Mr Musacha starts playing Resident Evil: 5 and you can't deny the truth any longer; the latest installment of Resident Evil is so far off from the Awesomeness that was Resident Evil: Leon it's practically criminal.

In the spirit of full disclosure and all that BS I should say that I think Resident Evil: 4 is one of the best games ever made. It ranks up there with Portal and Tales of Symphonia so obviously not just any sequel would be able to live up to that kind of expectation. But still! Did Resident Evil: 5 have to be a failure of jizzwadian proportions? Resident Evil: Leon is itself a sequel so clearly the creators have it in them to step up their game but instead they took a step down, a very HUGE step down.

First off, Chris Redfield is no Leon S. Kennedy. I don't just say that as one who is slightly more attached to Leon than any normal person really ought to be but as one who is genuinely alarmed at the size of Redfield's biceps. Seriously, his upper arms are probably equal in circumference to my thighs! And that neck, it's larger than his head - lay off the 'roids, Dude, it's not like you're employed by mlb! And when he moves around he sounds like a well-armed waterbed. Subtlety? Stealth? No thanks! If Bag-head Chainsaw Guy comes after me I'll just stick my neck out, no way anything's getting through that!

Second off, RE5 is not scary. Not once have I jumped. Not once have I seriously wondered how Redfield and Sheva will get through a scene. And, to tell you the truth, I don't even care...leading us to...

Third off, what the crap is going on? The plot, such as it is, is so bad! After the completion of various scenarios like "find Irving, parts 1-4," a cut scene - usually taking place somewhere else or in someone else's memory - pops up to justify the yo-yo storyline. Cheap! The story doesn't flow at all because you're continually being fed information in a jilty and unnatural way.

Fourth off, the unending waves of zombies get really old when the scary is missing. If all you have to do is pick up ammo and point your gun at more zombies than I think would even fit in Africa (btw, where are they in Africa? anyone recognize that cave as anything resembling something that might be real?) what is the point?

Resident Evil is supposed to be scary and mysterious. This iteration is boring and slightly dizzying due to the weird skewing of the camera over Redfield's shoulder. But since I only watch and do not play I will not comment on camera angles. Maybe it's helpful to the gamer.

So if you're thinking about picking up RE5 to play (or watch:) I suggest pulling out RE: Leon again and doing something worth your time.

You'd think after this the lesson would be learned but I still can't get Assassin's Creed 2 out of my head!!! And the new trailer is soooooooooo pretty!

Oooh, shiny!
Initial thoughts are that I like Altair's name and accent better but I'll hold out, maybe Ezio will change my mind next month.

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