Thursday, May 3, 2012

Alan Rickman Reel: January Man

 My household are big fans of Alan Rickman. As such, we've decided to review his films from start to finish. Using IMDb, that puts us starting with Die Hard (DIE HARD!!!!) and continuing with January Man.

This is a step down from Die Hard.

Netflix doesn't carry this title so we had to improvise. So sgwordy read a plot summary of the film, while Dr Musacha opted to watch YouTube clips of only Rickman's scenes (courtesy of Rickmanlover) and try to guess what the movie was about.

Warning: Adult Content within clip. NOT SAFE FOR WORK

sgwordy: You know this movie was rated R. Any movie rated R in the 80s had tits whether it needed them or not. So, impressions?

Dr Musacha: About the tits or the first scene?

sgwordy: haha

Dr Musacha: I was excited after the first scene (no innuendo intended). My initial impression is that this is a movie about Kline pretending to be a hobo as part of a scam. And he's trying to recruit his painter friend as a partner. Sounds like an interesting concept for a movie.

sgwordy: Well, lucky for you you can still pitch that concept because he's actually trying to get him to help out on a murder investigation. Kline has just been asked back onto the NYPD (personal request of the mayor) and he thinks his painter friend will be really helpful as an assistant.

Dr Musacha: Hmm, that explains later scenes but not the way Kline is dressed.

Dr Musacha: Scene 2 left me with a lot of questions. Why are the least talented actors talking so much while Rickman is silent? Did this director ever work again? S/he's not getting much out of a talented group of actors. Also, what genre is this supposed to be? Feels like a comedy but I'm not laughing.

sgwordy: Turns out that is not the office the captain set aside for Kline but Painter Friend thought the light was better in this room. That would be important because his first task as assistant is, apparently, to paint birds on the wall.

Dr Musacha: Shockingly, this isn't even the stupidest turn of events in this movie.

Dr Musacha: Short and pointless, though this scene does introduce the first female character.

sgwordy: She's not the first female character.

Dr Musacha: Well, the first female character who talks. She's not just breasts on a couch.

Dr Musacha: At this point, I was convinced that instead of a hobo con, they had faked their way into jobs with the police (much like Blue Streak). Because they are bumbling fools they come up with a plan to use their new female friend as bait so they can catch the murderer.

sgwordy: Would you be surprised to learn that the woman is the daughter of the mayor?

Dr Musacha: Yes! Why would they risk the mayor's daughter in this scheme?

sgwordy: I think it's so she and Kline can spend time together so they can couple up by the end. Also, she's a friend to the most recent victim so obviously she's an expert on the situation. Do we even go into the Virgo thing or should we just leave that alone?

Dr Musacha: [speechless]

sgwordy: It is interesting that Kline has a background that makes the constellation Virgo (minus one star) immediately come to mind after a computer program inexplicably changes a bunch of squares into variously sized dots. (By interesting I mean stupid.)

Dr Musacha: Needless to say, I'm really disappointed in the outcome here. I was all jazzed up to watch a buddy comedy about two guys that pretend to be homeless to con suckers out of money.  Instead I get the dumbest plan in the history of police movies.  Did the summary you read explain why they needed to wait for the tenant of the apartment to show up before enacting their plan?

sgwordy: No, and that's a good question. Why did they wait? And why didn't I think of that before? Was it for her keys?

Dr Musacha: I guess that must be it but why didn't they use a police key or talk to the super. The whole plan is just really dumb!

sgwordy: I can't argue with that. I wouldn't even want to. Any final comments?

Dr Musacha:The world is still waiting for its buddy hobo comedy. You?

sgwordy: I'm sad. This movie makes me sad. Will there be any room for those enormous hot air balloon tits in your hobo bromance?

Rate the movie on a scale of 1 to 10:
Dr Musacha –1, every scene in this movie feels like a practice take.
sgwordy –2

Was Rickman the best thing about this movie?
Dr Musacha –Yes, he was the only one who ignored the director and acted.
sgwordy – There was no best in this movie. It's all worst.

In the context of his body of work, on a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate Rickman as Rickman?
Dr Musacha –3
sgwordy –3

Favorite Rickman quote from this movie?
Dr Musacha: It's irritating to me that I need money. I shouldn't need it.

sgwordy: Languish there, Darling.

Let's all just try to forget this ever happened.

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